Wednesday, May 23, 2007

me again

well i am not trying to bore u all but when a dear frd tags u why not tag along

smoked cigarettes....phew cant even think abt that...i choke on cigarette smoke
crashed a frds car...never
stolen a car...too big to get away with..nope
been in love with Mr.X....I thought i was but turned it was just a crush
been dumped....someone dare dump me..nope
shoplifted....well i did i have to confess....when i was a small kid took a few chocs...i love them.
been fired..lemme get a job first then can think of getting fired
been in a fist fight....nope,i am a peaceful soul.
snuck out of ur parents home...that concept doesn't exist in they get u married
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back....lemme remember..nah
been arrested...dont want to ever
gone for a blind not me
lied to a frd ... never to a frd
skipped school...sorry i was a boring geek then,well even now kind of
seen someone die...only my doggy,gracy,my samurai
had a crush on ur internet frd...nope
been to canada....not yet but will in 2008
been to mexico.... not yet
been on plane....thats how i ended up here
purposely set a part of u on fire....well few times in lab...v have to clean our hands with alcohol n then take to cultures n i hated to wait till they dry up so the fire but it wont hurt
eaten sushi....eating fresh includes only fruits n some veggies in my dictionary
been jet skiing...nope but love to
met someone in person u met on year i will
taken pain killers....yep after a c-section
loved n missed someone....yep it happens but life goes on
flown a kite...yes yes yes n i enjoy it
built a sand castle....all of bygone childhood..goldendays right
gone puddle jumping...all the time loved ride the bike in them n get clothes dirty n also scolding but then its fun isn't...shhhh my baby shouldn't hear
cheated while playing a be honest i tried n could not
been lonely.....wanna make me cry
fallen asleep at school or work...both, at school i once dozed off only to wake up n find the whole class staring at me n teacher right beside me n at work the boring seminars,why do they put them just after a good lunch
used a fake id...nope but a fake name n stuff when on some websites...everybody does not need my name right
watched a it everytime nature, is just splendid
felt an of the things i dont want to experience
touched a snake ... yep n love to watch them
slept beneath stars... manytimes...those days of powercut n those games v played
been robbed...never of material possesions but yes....coming here i feel robbed of myself
been times for i rarely let everyone know my thoughts
petted reindeer or goat...goats n sheep many times
won a contest...many but what good r they now when u feel defeated by urself
run a redight/stop light....lemme get a license
been suspended from school...nope,never
been in a car accident....never
eaten a whole pint of icecream in one it but less is more for me at times
had deja vu....many a time
danced in moonlite....feels great right
witnessed a crime....nope
been obsessed with post it notes...i dont use them
squished barefoot thru mud.....never in life not even as a baby..
been lost....nope,never always knew my way around
been on the opposite side of the India yes here yet to wander
swam in the ocean....want to at least once in life
cried urself to sleep....yep after coming here, hiding my tears from him
played cops n robbers....a lot of times when a kid
recently coloured with crayons....nope,maybe some time soon i'll get back to my colours
sung karoke.....want to run away ok then i'll try
paid for meal in but for xerox, was good to c his face
done something u told urself u won't....yep everytime i get angry with i say i won't be the one to talk but within 5 mins i'll be there talking
made prank calls....yep to one stupid guy at college who thought himself to be the most coolest guy around.
caught a snow flake on ur tongue.... nope not yet
written a letter to santa.... nope
blown bubbles .... yep n still do with my baby n even in bath when in a playful mood
bonfire on beach....nope but did on bhogi every year
laughed so hard that u pee in ur pants....kind of yes ....during those 9 months
cheated on test.... i have to confess,i tried to in college but i was shorter than the girl in front n the one beside me had a different question.
at last, i finished it i never knew u were so cross with me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

alpha dog

yesterday we saw alpha dog,a movie starring justin timberlake,sharon stone,bruce willis etc...its based on true incidents.
the kids of some rich fathers have nothing to do but party n not just that, drugs alcohol n girls.into this tag along more kids n some bcom drug dealers ..everything goes ok for a while until one fellow fails to pay up n so ensues a chain of events which lead to the kidnap of his innocent bro n his ultimate killing.sounds simple right... regular plot
but its real n happens everyday here it many saw the kidnap n nobody bothered...many more knew he was kidnapped when they meet him as hostage n think its cool n sickest part is the guys who killed him were so friendly with till then n they kill him so brutally it was sickening
i could not watch it...i loved watching action films all my life n saw tons n tons of them but then now i cant' stand them anymore....they bother me
they bother me because ...this is world my baby will have to live in what can i do to help her.

Friday, May 18, 2007


yep thats what i feel i confusing.well i am confused donno if i have to be happy or upset.let me tell why now
i want a job badly pretty badly..... that way i won't be depending on him for more parasite life feels grt what i did?
i came to know that his company offers jobs to h4s at times....exactly what i wanted GOD u are great.but the pay!!!!!!! ok ok lemme get the job first then we can see.
then next thing i did was ....please help me get the job nanna.this went for days n days.
me pushing him for it n he too embarassed to ask. why? well what if they say no? come on what will happen? at most i won't get the job,thats all.
at last i lost patience.... hey why cant u talk about my job with ur boss?
well he did one fine day n u know what happened ....he got a big promotion
n my job???????????

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

3 questions n me

well i am just trying to tag along

three things i am afraid of

being alone
bad people

3 people who make me laugh

my hubby
my baby
my nephews

3 things i love

plants, basically nature
walking in rain with an icecream n no umbrella
holding him n falling asleep

3 things i hate

lies n dishonesty
being dependent
feeling frustrated n getting angry

3 things i don't understand

why women compete to buy gold or sarees etc
how come guys lose wieght easily
how come a woman's life change so much after marriage than a guy's

3 things on my desk
which one .... the one i left back there in india

my books
my testtubes n chemicals
a small flower

3 things i am doing right now

reading other blogs
watching my baby
sleepy n groggy need to get into bed

3 things i can do

cook ofcourse

3 things u should listen to

gushing of the river

3 things u should never listen to

stoppers n born doubhters

3 things i'd like to learn

to drive

3 favorite foods


3 beverages i drink


3 favrorite childhood shows

duck tales(the cartoon)
vikram bethal

wanna tag along?!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

honey, i made some money!

this happened yesterday....
everyday i wish i could earn some money...even if its a small amount n when saw this website i was so happy..oh not this blogsites....another one.
all i had to do was answer some surveys n they pay easy so why not try it out, i thought n i finished off all the surveys available for me in the site n i earned 40 right just in 15 minutes.
this is too good .... i wanted to redeem nope they said first make 75 minimum n then only can u redeem.ok,cool....i can wait n with 75 i can get a nice gift for him for his b'day in june.
the minute he came home n the evening i shouted ..honey i made some money...he was happy to see me happy.
today,first thing i did after i got a minute break was check if somemore surveys are available so i could get to 75...n u know what happened...
oops no more of the website....its gone...n so are my 40 bucks...what an iron leg i got...the day i entered the whole website disappeared.....phew

who am i?

who am i?
everyday just before we sleep i ask him a question .... v talk for a while n sleep.this is our routine.
sounds silly but this was my routine
the question i asked him yesterday before sleeping was "who am i?"
n the answer " payal's mummy" ....he said that with such an enthusiasm
but it could not please me..... not that i dont like being her mummy....i love my baby n i love him a lot ......but then who am i?
her mother...his wife....till now i was someone's daughter's n someone's sister ...though they loved me cared for me never made me happy ...i mean i was happy for what i had but wanted more ...ME...i wanted for once to identified just as ME n they be recognised as my parents n my brothers....i wanted my own identity. i had at CDFD....i was ME, a research scholar ....
now married n a baby who am i just a house wife?
i like caring for them ,cooking for them n cleaning up after them but then i want ME also.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

my birthday

yes ... yesterday (may4) was my birthday n i can say without any doubt this is the best day in my life after coming here....i am happy n not for an hour or two, the whole day tears, no anger nothing.
he gave me such a beautiful gift....i mean not rose plant or the earrings or the chocolate truffle mousse or the shopping it bcos he took time to think what i like, no, maybe....but more bcos he took the afternoon off n drove me out of town .... to a place he promised long ago. it was a surprise ... a nice pleasant surprise....i loved it....the trip, the view, the cake, the plant n the earrings.....he made my day.
i was happy ...not for an hour or two but the whole day n the happiness even spilled into the next day as well ....hope it lasts forever

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


questions ...questions n more of was as if i could never answer all of them.
can u help me?
as a child i had these.....
why can't i count all the stars?
(i tried .... on a cloudy night when i could see only a few ,by the time counted 10 the clouds separated n lo there were lots of them....he he he should not try cheating.right)
why the frogs croak only in autumn?
why should the bubbles be round?
(for this my science teacher said i'll understand later on n i did in my inter?)
why can't there be friends near my house?
why can't i have more holidays
why can't i see anymore butterflies?
why can i see a rainbow in water n on bubbles when there is no rain?
why can't i have more time for everything?
why should a girl be tall,fair n thin to be beautiful when they say beauty is the way u look at?
why doesn't he like talking?
why can't a mother-in-law care as your mother?
why should there be need?
why can't i answer my questions?
when will i find my answers?

take me out

take me out
take me out
i want breathe some fresh air
where are my wings
i want to fly...
far n high
oh why did i clip them
take me out
take me out
the walls are closing in
hug me hold me
hold me together
i am breaking down
not just me
but my heart n soul
take me out
take me out.

my feelings my thoughts my rantings my mirror