laid off

I am now officially laid off. Aug 14th is my last date at work
I was going through so many things in my head at that time. I took a day off on Monday only to get a call from my manager looking for. She is someone who never does that, its always me who goes to her. The is someone who never does that, its always me who goes to her. hat made me pretty much aware of what is going to happen the next day. Tuesday I walk to her and she says I need to see where others are and off she goes to my HR manager. Within 15 minutes I get a call from conference room across hall ……I knew what’s going to happen all along but when she actually told me I could not hold back my tears. All the time she was talking about how valuable I was to the team and she wants me to still stay but the company cannot afford me any longer ……all I could think in my head was ……. get it over with, I know you are laying me off say it out loud and clear. But man, was it hard to hear or harder to control the tears welling up in my eyes. I had to rush out but never show them my anguish.
I called him and within minutes we were out of office to pick my baby. I needed to be in my comfort zone …my home. And my home is where they are
P.S. That day I went on a pilgrimage from Austin to Houston ……went to Meenakshi temple and also to hillcroft to buy myself a dress to offer to lakshmi Devi on a sravana sukravaram

test for license

Test for license

After being asked for a long time, he finally took me to write the test. And I flunked it. I failed the test. Its such a simple test and when I told the employee that I failed he was so surprised. How could I fail such a simple test what was I thinking?
Well I do have my reasons. I read well about signs, rules to be followed and all that stuff but never bothered to read about drunk driving and the fines and suspensions regarding. Why should I even bother about it? I don’t drink so there is never a chance of intoxicated driving on my behalf. Phew. And I never thought they will ask any question about it. My bad. There were at least 6 questions about drunk driving and the fines when you get caught like that, and also what will happen if we refuse to give blood samples etc for test when caught.
Man, next time I will read that part of the book also.
I failed a test after a long time maybe 20 years. And now I donno how long I have to wait to write the test again, he has to take me again. hmmm.

these days

life hasnt changed much me,yes i am trying to get myself busy....making new friends,doing odd jobs n stuff like.
when did i last write any thing maybe a month ago,since then i successfully finished my wilton course one...made lots of cakes, even got an offer to start my own bakery.still thinking about it.i catered for a party n got a good pay...did some babysitting jobs,made some money...got flu, moved into a new apartment,finished all the packing and unpacking in 2 days,starting my new kitchen garden in my patio,waiting eagerly for mummy and daddy,diving in and out of migraines...man they are bad must see a doctor soon,applying for jobs..waiting for replies..listening friends not to show a gap in resume...just put something yaar..uh..but how can i write i did a project when i did not...then they say i will not get any job here.god help me.
through all this onething wakes me up every morning from this last....a warm big hug and a soft kiss from him...makes me forget every pain every worry and gives me enough strength to face another day.
thank you sree for being so patient checking on my blog...i now know for sure there is someone who will be checking on me

me and my baby

i dont know it is me or every other person who advices me...my baby is 18 month old and i really really want to go and work have a career and make some money for us.but then the problem is, i dont know what to do abt her. everyone says,hey put her in a daycare like us...but my baby is not 3 old like them...nor does she eat herself or even drink her milk herself....i have to hold her bottle or the sippy cup and i must feed her. she is starting to eat herself...but that is junk...noodles,chips,frys.
and on top of it i have trust issues,i can't just hand her off to a complete stranger and just hope they will take good care of her.
so what i did is...i placed an ad in sulekha.com ....that i want to baby sit and do catering.
lets see what happens now.

what's wrong?

so much is happening and so little is happening.....yeah thats how things are around me nowadays.no matter what i do no matter how hard i try i still end up at square one again and again.at times i am falling into a whirlpool of emotions .....i am hitting rock bottom....some days i am so good happy,taking care of everything....and then i donno how but for the slightest reasons i snap....i just snap ....i am filled with rage anger beyond my control ...at such times i fear to be with my baby...i fear i may hurt her....my precious baby....i say things i hate to even think of to him.....he sits in silence.i wish he does something...i want him to do something to stop it....pull me together.
failure is my worst fear...and at a time when i thought i achieved my dreams,i left them to be with him in a country i never liked for my own reasons...here i am in a strange land..without anyone to open up,no friends,no career and a baby i was not prepared for....maybe that is what is driving me mad....or the rollercoaster ride i am having is because of my post partum depression or my complete dependence on him. but whatever it is i wish i knew..i cannot sweep my feelings under the rug....reading really helps me, watching me smile makes my baby so happy wish to keep it that way....always.somehow i have to drive the negativity out and focus on our future.

once again

today my co sis in law,thought she will wish us on pongal...but then she had news for me....saketh will not come anymore ....nomore babysitting,she wants to send both the kids to the same so that pickup will be easier and abhi is in a different school district so his bus wont drop him here....well i know better. its ok one more time i have to deal with her attitude.
but after seeing him all upset for his dad on monday....it makes me rethink about going back to work....does she deserve it....she cries if i leave her for a few minutes to go to bathroom,can she stay at daycare? i donno.but then what about my career n we can always use some money.
what about working at home? i have to think of the possibilities.....hope i come up with something good,good enough for me and my baby.

babysitting

this week i did something i never thought i will ever do.....now i am babysitting his nephew...they asked me when i was pregnant, i did not refuse but then they backed out for i had severe backache n cannot carry him around all the time.now they asked me again this monday when he just refused to go to his daycare centre,children's courtyard, and i agreed again.it was nice to see payal n him play around,kids pushing each other...i thought now payal will learn to protect her toys but no she just walks into a corner when he pulls a toy from her hand....needs a lot of time i think.and he it took me 2 days to fully win his confidence n make him feel he is home n not at a day care....now after a week he is well adjusted n happy n payal is ok....first day she would not eat,second day got a fever, n third day onwards she is fine around hime but the minute he leaves just cling on to me.and another thing she is doing hold her dad n sleep and she wont come to my side of the bed....feels awful.
hope she gets used to this..for when i go for a real job she has to go to a nanny....
the funny part is i am not told what to feed when to...his time table nothing....so i do everything the same way for both.....n she is like ....this is our game,our stuff..does not say a word but the way she looks at me....i feel guilty for putting her through....but then i can use some money,i always wanted to be self sufficient, n i dont even know much i will be paid or when......funny right.