taare zameen par

recently i have seen so many movies but one i can relate to n loved is taare zameen par,the directorial debut of aamir khan.the little boy,who loved to draw n watch the world....who could not get along with other kids let alone his studies..always failing..always bullied...nobody could understand him not even his parents....until the problem is identified by a teacher n getting help.the kid was wonderful....n the movie was too..i was taken back to my school days....always mocked n bullied...for being clumsy,for being short n dark....always alone ...i couldn't fight back my tears...i cried,maybe thats the first time i cried watching a movie...his problem was dyslexia n mine i donno,i was sort of dyslexic as a kid but changed a lot.never a problem with studies though failed at medical entrance,it took a long time to cope with failure but then i always topped class in degree n got a fellowship in masters which i gave up to get married with him...but never made through with people....donno why.his solace was painting and my solace were my painting n poetry n my mom n now him.
how i wish i had good friends then n even now.i got some in between but when i moved here we just got so busy in our lives that we hardly ever mail each other.
one thing always bothered me.....why would somebody want to bully anyone?do they even think how hurtful it is?

my love

i am falling in love all over again ..no its not another guy but its him....the same person for the last 2 years....whom i loved and then hated, doubted,felt like moving away....i shouted at him scolded him....said he brought me here, made me miserable,scolded why he got his documents n not me even when he does not need a new EAD and i so desperately want.....all through my bickering n name calling he stood with me held me close .....sometimes i feel i cannot be without him,what will i do, i fear some day he will give up one me for all my anger.....but i also know he wont...for he loves me ....so much that i feel miserable for the things i say to him....all i want now is to hold him n close my eyes .... this will pass n with him beside me i can face anything oh yeah thats how he makes me feel....happy,confident,complete

my garden

its been sometime since i got any new plants ...i am concentrating on the ones i have..oh almost forgot,i now have my own tulasi, after many trials..its growing well thanks to the seeds mummy got me last year.all the daisies are having so many new buds looks like this year i can see them all in bloom my whites,yellow and purple.somehow thats pretty much like my life now...i can see my dreams n a hope to see them come true ...but i have to wait somemore days maybe months.....my EAD is lost in post it seems...wait n wait lemme see what happens.

my favorite foods

these days of waiting and depressing disappointments led me back to my favorite food,oh how i love them...my best comfort foods though have changed..no more chocolates but its chocolate cakes....n more interesting i am baking them for myself chocolate fudge cakes,black forest cakes n i am loving them.oh i almost forgot ..my newfound love ..peanut butter and its all mine..he is allergic to peanuts.i am sure all this wait for my EAD sure will make me a few pounds heavier.
these days a few nice things also happened.... my baby is happy n healthy...she is walking actually running around and jumping.and she is having her bottle when awake ..well i had to wait for more than a year but as everything else in my life i have to wait and wait.

good things

some really good things happened these last months....my baby is doing grt n i am so happy for her.at last after more than a year she started to drink her milk when awake ... thats a big thing for me.... no need to get her to sleep 5 times a day. now she is sticking to her schedule n i am happy to have a routine.to c her full after her bottle n just give me big hug.

back

almost 3 months, i just did not want to write...lost in depression almost suicidal then back but still not there.for the last 3 months i was waiting very desperately for my EAD n its still not here.i want a job that will not only boost my confidence but can makes matters easy on him..........i am looking for just any job now...cant go for a science job they are in down town a 2 hr drive, n i dont even know how to drive ..he has no time to teach me n i can't go for a tutor not unless i earn.then there is my baby wher can i find a babysitter who will feed her n play with with a smile always n never raising her voice...otherwise she wouldn't eat.but first will she be ok without me...she wont leave me except in sleep even now...what to do??????

cakes

on my birthday he got me a baking set,i was overjoyed for i love cakes n muffins ...now i can make them myself.
since then i made muffins ,cup cakes ,cookies, brownies a lot
first i made a choclate cake for his birthday ...it did not come out as i planned bcos i left it in oven after switching it off. then i tried a carrot cake for her....it came out so well....everyone loved it.
now i want to try the dulce de leche cake ....we simply love it like my friend says its sinfully delicious....we got it for her party ...but for our anniversary i want to bake a dulce de leche cake....yep its our second anniversary this 20th.