last few weeks

yes it is 1 year,already....she turned 1 this sunday, 29th july.
a lot has happened this year ...every moment was different some painful, out of breath exhausted overwhelmed ...many a time i dont know what to do..how to get her to eat or drink her milk.....may be this was not how i planned to write abt her bday...but last 2 days are really bad she hardly takes anything...but above that my baby is all smiles every moment,even when she falls gets hurt all she does look up for me n smile.....wish i can do that.
i dont know why but everytime she does not eat i feel like i failed...failed as a mother....i could never feed her ..she had to be given bottle which she literally hates to date. i pictured motherhood a different way n nothing has turned out like that...i never could reconcile with myself ..somehow feel like its my fault...cannot control my anger..it gets real bad n i break down ....n.. ..n he is so bad with crying girls..just helpless cant even console me...but she does..hugs me wipes my tears gets her ball n makes me play n smile...i need to learn a lot from her.
some how i did not want make a big issue abt her bday ...but do something good,so v arranged a breakfast n lunch at prema samajam,my father in law took care of it...v dont have any frds here..but his brother n family live here so i invited them over for dinner...made a nice dinner n they enjoyed it...made a cake...it came out so good everyone loved it n the pizza was ok but his nephews preferred the cake n pizza to anything else.what i liked abt that day was she was happy spent a lot of time with her cousins playing n being the youngest getting pampered by all.
but then v r having a party this saturday for some of the people v know here...i wont call them frds for they never bothered abt us until his big promotion ...(so convenient right...come talk when u need help otherwise stay away) but then we r having it anyway..its more like his promotion party then her bday bash...i am doing all the cooking (to save some bucks n this is what to goes to prema samajam...something inside did not want to spend a lot on people who dont care,so i preferred people who need some care) n had planned a big menu hope i can do it all without my baby getting mad at me.
one more thing i was busy these days was with harry potter ..i finishe it ..took more than a week with my baby but then i finished it ..its good ..hope she writes again