new babysitter

ok,now i have had it.
she,my baby, does not want her diaper changed by the baby sitter.does not want to be fed by her or at times even touch her.so i changed the babysitter.now i put her with a different indian lady who is telugu,has had kids and is well recomended.she stayed for half day.and u will not believe she started crying for the old babysitter today morning.so i had to take there instaed of the new one.i cannot tell the new one why she is not coming today so i tell her husband work from home so she at home.and u know what she will know its otherwise bcos my husbabds employee's kids also go to the same new lady.phew.

days after mummy left

yep my mummy went back to India.All my attempts to take them to niagara in vain, though i did go without mummy and daddy.they had to leave early since annayya was not well,thats another story.
but after she left i dont why but for a little while i was relieved,i could do what i wanted how i wanted.there was no one to remind me of my mistakes or the other choices i could have taken in life . but all that joy was shortlived.after our vacation it was time for me to go back to work and for him too.but what about payal who will take care of her.mine was a new job i cant take lots of days off but he can,he is the boss in his office.so it was settled that he would watch payal till my in laws arrive.but the days of waiting turned into weeks and months.looks like they will take their own sweet time to come.
so i had to take matters to my hand,i zipped through the classified and viola i have a baby sitter that sounded good. try to meet her and lo my friend's kid is there.so me happys.
but not payal.2 weeks she was fine happy to play but no eating.man, i had to shuttle between work and her to feed her lunch.but this week isn't better she doesn't want to even stay there.oh man.mummy why did you even go.

growing up

payal is growing up fast and man she is growing fast.like a parrot she repeats everything we say and do..from simple words to all the stories we tell her to the way we walk,brush our hair, from the way we pull up the blanket to the way her grandma reads vishnu sahasranamas,by the way her favorite bhajan is manasa bajare guru charanam.
i taught her the word all done,so that she can tell me when she is full then just push away food or throw up.so she started using it,well in her own way,she says all done even before she starts!!!
but thats not the case for fish or her favorite egg noodles.
n then i had to tell her that her tummy will say iam hungry,akali akali antadi annanuif she does not eat well.now you know what she says,amma tummy akali anatamledu,tummy does not say i am hungry.well thats just after a few spoonfuls.
during the olympics i used to show her the games and say look they all eat well,go to a coach n learn n compete and when you when gold medal everyone will say good job and pat on your back.she took it for few meals.then any prize ceromony she would tell the whole story again to me.oops.taste of my own medicine.
now she is like hooked on the song we will rock you by Queens.she loves it so much n it has become part and parcel of her dinner routine
she knows the whole alphabet,numbers lots of rhymes loves to color isnt hesitant in making mummy catch a spider for her!!!!!!!!!!
she will not touch them but will want mummy to hold any insect. puppies and cats,its a different story she will love to hold them.
you may not even believe it she loves it sit in bhajan at sai baba temple.all i need to do is give her also one of the aarthi books which she pretends to read.
all this and more at just 2 how will she be in a few years...........

promises broken

again and again it happens why i dont know.mummy says ,dont have high expectations it will be fine.but how is it possible.how can i not have expectations on my husband.and why on earth can he not understand me.when you say something you must keep your word however small it is. is it bad expect your husband to keep his word.i dont think so.whenever he breaks his word it hurts me.so everytime i say please dont tell me stuff you cannot do or stuff you dont want to do.just tell me like that.no you will not.you will promise me so many things but very few ever happen why is it so?
i am sure he thinks i am silly,sensitive too emotional blah blah blah.well cannot help it thats me.and i am sure he also feels every little thing should not upset me.

one month

today is my one month anniversary,yahoooooooooooooooo.one month at my new job.i survived and so did my employers.
i like my job so much that i look forward for every morning now and then the feeling i used to have before,one more day i need to survive here.my old job, i hope i never have to take it again,i worked at a day care center...i joined for fun, because i was doing nothing at that time n thought something is better than nothing...n there u go kids kids...man they r a handful lot more different than my own baby.n it was perfect for my daughter to be without me.
only two regrets,i did own my two mistakes i did this month,luckily nobodys work was effected thank GOD.
hope i dont be such a dumbo again.

freinds

well well cant be happy for very long....not allowed.my friend is moving away.already i have very few friends,because i rarely go out n make any,and the ones i had are all moving away one after the other to other states.man these husbands cant they stay n work at one place.

feeling alive

after a long drought i feel the rain on my heart..i am so happy.happy that i can work again in a lab.in a way i feel more alive than ever.i am doing what i always wanted.what i always loved do .for while there i doubted if i will get a job in a lab.then when i at last got one,when i was ready to give up and go back to india,i doubted if i can do it after such a long gap.then there were those times when i thought i screwed up the experiments.
but through all this i had people who believed in me more than i ever did.they taught me, be it my mother my husband or my boss,i can do anything.all i needed was to believe in myself.
thank you for believing in me and loving me so much.i want to be alive like this happy satisfied.i dont bother the long hours at work,nor the time i need to wake up to get the boxes ready.i am just plain happy now.only thing bothering is to watch my baby hesitantly waving me bye every morning.